missed opportunity

I missed my day yesterday, working the core hours. The same hours when it’s brightest. I missed it. The snow on the hills wasted, that brilliant sunshine I’ve been yearning for, for so long. Gutted. Gone. Another wasted day, the long windows taunting me. I can see it all. Frost on the ground, still snow on the hills. The sun trying to burn through a thick blanket of cloud. It’s not going to make it because I’m not there to enjoy it. The glass, the upholstery, the screens. Holding me, like a prison. The air is stale. It’s dark, oppressive. It’s holding me. The plugs and wires tangle around my ankles, the hum and drone of PCs, the tapping of keyboards, like some form of Korean torture. I imagine myself nails scraping, breaking along the navy carpet below my feet. It’s sod’s law. My heart resting heavy on my lungs. Today I have to be here. Inside. The way it is.